Alzheimer's

Anyone who reads my blog is a close friend or family member, with a few exceptions, so by now everyone knows that my mom is in the final stages of Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease.

It has always been a struggle, but for the past few months the reality of the situation has hit me harder than ever. Maybe it is because I have been able to visit more often, maybe it is because she is so close to the end. Whatever it is, I seem to go through waves of feeling okay and being really sad.

It kills me that she will never know Joey and Carlee - or worse, that they will never know her. At least once she is in Heaven she will be able to look at them and watch over them and share their joy. I find comfort in the fact that soon she WILL be able to know and see them. On the flip side, Joey and Carlee won't ever get to know her. She would have loved them so much and they would have loved her just as much right back.

I think about HOW MUCH my mom loves kids, especially little ones, and I just don't understand why she doesn't get to live long enough to enjoy her own grandchildren. I used to pray for her to get better. Then, as the years went on, I prayed for her to no longer be suffering. And now, lately, I find myself begging God to perform a miracle and cure her.

This fight feels so helpless to me. At times I look at Joey and Carlee and fear that I too will not be able to know their children. I hate that they may have to go through the same thing that I am going through. This disease is unfair for anybody - but it is just plain mean for it to happen to someone in their fifties.

But in the midst of all these emotions and feelings of defeat ~ my brother's girlfriend, Erin, did something wonderful. She organized a team to walk and raise money for the Alzheimer's Association. I know that the funds we raise will not do anything to help my mom - but hopefully they will keep other people from loosing their parent too early as well. Hopefully the money will fund research that will find a cure.

Being able to do SOMETHING to fight this dreadful disease takes away some of that helplessness and defeat. This walk is a gift and I thank Erin from the bottom of my heart for starting it. I have thought so many times about signing up to do a walk, but never had the energy to force myself to do it. It just seemed too sad.

Now that I have started raising money I feel empowered. Of course, with each donation I see I get tears in my eyes. Some of the people who have donated are friends I have not talked to in years. Some are close friends, others are family. Whomever it is, each donation shows me the huge amount of support I have from so many people. It truly touches my heart when people take time out of their lives to read our web page and donate their own hard earned money. I am happy to have the opportunity to take my own future back into my hands and do something about it. I became an advocate for the Alzheimer's Association and plan on doing this walk every year until a cure is finally found. I refuse to sit back and wait for this to happen to someone else I love. I refuse to do nothing while other people become sick.

Thank you Erin for your constant love and support of our family. You are an amazing, caring, and generous soul. Billy is beyond lucky to have you in his life, and so is the rest of our family. I will forever be grateful to you for helping me to regain power in a fight that quickly leaves you feeling defeated.

(If you are reading this and would like to join us in our fight, please visit my personal web page, and be sure to click on the link to our team web page as well.)

http://walktoendalz.kintera.org/atlanta/donnaberthelsen